So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm at about main and main street
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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