That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
