she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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