Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she peed on how many people?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
