so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
