Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
