if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
