he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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