Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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