My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
