dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
as a side note pls kill me
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
