I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize