Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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