We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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