so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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