U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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