i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
