do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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