I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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