fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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