alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
