So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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