i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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