I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
We got so high we made milksteak
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
