it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize