with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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