it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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