Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
