I just saw a hot homeless man
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
