Even the bartender felt bad for me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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