You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
