It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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