He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
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