you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
