we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
