He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
