Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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