you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
