Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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