1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
