he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
