Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
