i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Still dying that you shit outside
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
