Three words: puerto rican gang bang
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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