If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.