She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
...so i touched it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.