puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
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Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.