can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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