the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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