I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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