walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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