she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
