I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Randomize
