Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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