I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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