nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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