its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
