i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
