Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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