tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
