When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
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Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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