tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
