im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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