he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
